


And on this night and in this light

by screamtobeheard



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: And a tiny bit of Smut, Fluff, M/M, Pining, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tattoos, Unrequited Love, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 20:36:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6439552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/screamtobeheard/pseuds/screamtobeheard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I think I’ll skip sleep, you’re a very comfortable pillow,” Dan tells him. <br/>“I’m glad,” Phil says. He looks so soft and cuddly right now and on moments like these Dan swears he feels the tattoo throbbing on his hip. Or a different part of his body, he isn’t keeping track anymore.</p><p>You get a tattoo once you fall in love, Dan's been hiding his from Phil for a while now</p>
            </blockquote>





	And on this night and in this light

Dan has never thought about getting tattoos. He doesn’t see himself as cool guy who could pull off tattoos. Because he can’t, he’s sure of that. There’s one tattoo he has had for at least 2 years now though. And he hates it. People can’t know, they can’t see and he refuses to tell anyone about it. But most importantly, Phil can never know.

\--

“I’m bored,” Phil whines from the other couch. Dan hums in reply without looking up from his computer screen.   
“Dan,” Phil says when Dan doesn’t reply. Dan grunts at him.  
“Go do something then, stop bothering me.” He doesn’t look up to check but he’s sure Phil’s pouting, maybe with his arms crossed. The thought has him biting his lip to contain his smile. He was not counting on the pillow that hits him in the face; even less on Phil falling on top of him short after. Phil lets out a pained noise and Dan rubs over his side.  
“What the hell were you trying to accomplish?”  
“I was gonna attack you with the pillow but then I fell,” Phil mumbles into the couch. Dan grins. You’re so cute, he thinks.   
“You’re so stupid,” he says instead. 

He picks at the stupid tattoo on his hip when he’s in the shower. In all honesty, it’s a cute tattoo. It’s a small coloured plant right above his hipbone. If anyone else would have it, Dan would have loved it. When this certain tattoo is coloured, it’s means you’re in love; when it’s grey you were in love but aren’t anymore. The tattoos represent someone. Dan was convinced he was somehow still in love with an ex. It wasn’t until Dan started noticing Phil’s house plants. He remembers the shocked look he had on his face when Phil moved in another huge plant.   
“You hate it, don’t you?” Phil had asked with a small smile. He hates his tattoo, and every goddamn day he wishes it would just turn grey like Phil’s tattoos.

-

They were watching a movie, he recalls, that’s how it happened. At some point he must have drifted off because he’s currently pressed up against Phil with his eyes closed. He’s been awake for a few minutes now. His head is pressed against Phil’s arm and his whole body leans against him. The worst part is that Phil’s soft and warm and doesn’t make a move to wake him. He probably even shifted so Dan could lean against him more. Phil has a gentle hand trailing up and down his arm every once in a while. Dan doesn’t dare to move, doesn’t dare to breath; scared the moment will be over if he does. Phil’s hand tops moving and Dan hears him sigh as he turns off the TV.

 There’s a moment of silence where there’s no TV sounds and Phil doesn’t move. Then the hand on his arm squeezes him gently.  
“Hey Dan,” Phil whispers. Dan makes a show of slowly waking up, moving more than he usually does just to feel Phil’s body against him.  
“You were sleeping,” Phil says in a soft voice.  
“I noticed,” he says. Phil laughs. Dan smiles with him; he’s never able to keep a straight face when Phil laughs. Phil sits up, Dan doing the same.   
“I think I’ll skip sleep, you’re a very comfortable pillow,” Dan tells him.   
“I’m glad,” Phil says. He looks so soft and cuddly right now and on moments like these Dan swears he feels the tattoo throbbing on his hip. Or a different part of his body, he isn’t keeping track anymore.

-  
They’re sitting in their flat in Manchester when Dan notices the grey star on Phil’s bicep. He pokes it, making Phil looking at him.   
“Tell me about it,” he asks when Phil looks at him.   
“She was my ex girlfriend. We broke up last year. I’m not sure why it’s a star, all I know is that it was grey before we had broken up,” Phil tells him. Dan looks at him sadly.  
“Do you have any coloured ones?” he asks him. Phil grins.   
“You wanna know if I’m in love, Daniel?” Phil teases.   
“Are you?” Dan challenges. Phil shakes his head and pulls his shirt up a bit, there are a few grey ones there.   
“You could be hiding them,” Dan says. Phil grins.  
“True. But I guess you’ll have to take my word for it.”

 If only present Dan would have known that he would be the one hiding his tattoo. He’s been in many stages of dealing with the problem. First one being hooking up with every one and trying to imagine the person you’re fucking is actually your best friend. Phil calls it his slut phase jokingly sometimes. He would sleep with boys, girls and always hoping to fall in love with them instead of Phil. But the tattoo wouldn’t turn a different colour, and Dan would not fall in love with anyone else. The second stage was avoiding. This is around the time they got into a fight and things were awkward between them for a long time. Dan had hope that this would have changed his feelings. But as he stared as his hip he saw the plant greener than ever, as if it was yelling ‘fuck you’.

Stage three is where he is now. Though he has no idea what that stage is. He still hopes the feeling will go away soon but somewhere he has a tiny bit of hope that Phil might start feeling the same way too.  
“Dan! I made pancakes!” Phil calls him as he wakes up.  
“Coming,” he calls back. Phil’s wearing his glasses, that is the first awful thing. The second is that he’s also wearing his pyjama pants and has his bed hair. His tattoo throbs.

You look so cute with your glasses, he thinks.  
“Nice bed hair,” he says instead. Phil takes the opportunity to run his hands through Dan’s hair to mess it up too. Dan pretends to protest. He ends up against the kitchen counter with Phil’s greasy hands in his hair and against his face. They both giggle. Dan pushes him away.  
“You promised me pancakes,” he pouts. Phil points to the pancakes on the kitchen table. There are two plates, just for them. Sometimes Dan wants to live in his made up world where he and Phil are this adorable couple with their own flat in London. It’s easy to pretend, half their fanbase does it.

“Louise is coming over today,” Phil tells him.  
“I know, it’s not me who forgets plans,” he teases.   
“It was one time!” Phil protests.  
“Four.”  
“Shut up,” Phil says. He pushes him away and his hand brushes his hip slightly. Dan pretends not to feel it.

 Dan and Louise are both laying on a small side of the couch together. Dan had claimed it as ‘his side’, making Louise jump on him and forcing herself on the side too. Neither of them wanted to get up and so they ended up laying half on top of each other on the couch while Phil sat a little further.   
“Phil looks like the third wheel right now,” Louise says.   
“He should bring us food,” Dan says. Phil glares at them.  
“I’m not deaf.” Louise giggles.   
“Please bring us food, our dearest Phil,” Dan tries. He sees Phil fighting a smile.  
“Popcorn?” he asks after a moment.  
“Of course.” Phil sighs but gets up to make them popcorn anyways. Dan’s so in love.

It’s then that Louise squeezes his arm hard.   
“Ouch, Jesus, what?” he complains. He turns around to look at her and his heart stops beating for a second. There it is, the stupid green plant on his poking out from under his jeans. His face burns and he pushes his shirt down harshly. Louise stares at him, mouth open.   
“Dan!” she squeals.   
“Shut up,” he says quickly. He forgets to be nice as the only thing he feels is panic.   
“Who would have thought? Phil said you didn’t fall in love easily and that’s why you didn’t have any tattoos! You are in love! This is amazing! Phi-,” she raises her voice but Dan clamps his hand over her mouth quickly.

“Please stop. Please please please,” he asks franticly. Louise looks at him weirdly before realisation seems to hit her.  
“Yeah?” Phil yells back from the kitchen. Dan slowly lets go off her.  
“Nothing, love you!” Louise yells. Dan lets out a sigh of relief. He hears Phil laugh while Louise is still staring at him.  
“Does he know?” she asks then, her voice soft and curious. Dan flushes and shakes his head.   
“It will pass. Just don’t tell anyone,” he tries softly.  
“Tell what?” Phil asks. Dan can smell the burned popcorn.  
“How lovely you are,” Louise says.   
“You’re sweet today,” Phil says with a smile. He hands Dan the popcorn and settles on the other couch. Dan doesn’t want Louise to talk, afraid she’ll say something to Phil. She doesn’t.

-

The worst part about pretending not to be in love is that your body doesn’t let you forget about it; not one goddamn second. Phil’s hair is messy and he’s wearing his glasses while they’re sitting in Phil’s bedroom. Dan likes being here more than being in his own room sometimes. Mostly because being here means being close to Phil. Phil’s already settles under his duvet. Phil goes to bed earlier than he does. He always wakes up earlier but always waits for him to wake up to eat breakfast. He’s lucky to have Phil in his life.  
“Get under the duvet,” Phil says.   
“What?” Dan asks, feeling his face heat up.  
“I can’t get comfy when you’re laying on the duvet like that. So come here.”

He does, trying to keep at least some distance between them. Normally there’s no such thing as distance between them but Dan guesses this must be different. It’s different if they cuddle in Phil’s bed. Phil yawns as he shifts closer to Dan. His face is pressed against the pillow. He looks adorable.   
“You can come closer,” Phil tells him.   
“Do you want me to?” Dan asks carefully. He expects Phil to frown, maybe to laugh at him but he doesn’t.   
“Yeah,” he says. “I wanna cuddle, come on.” Dan thinks he might stop breathing. The plant on his hip is screaming and he is too inside. But he nods ands shuffles closer to Phil. He closes his eyes as Phil’s hands move around him and he pulls him against him. His hand is awkwardly smudged between both of their chest. He moves his fingers slightly so they’re touching Phil’s chest just slightly. Phil doesn’t notice. He presses his whole hand against his chest softly. Phil doesn’t seem to care; he has his eyes closed.

He doesn’t know what goes through his head then. He lays his head in the gap of Phil’s shoulder and neck. Phil tenses up for a second. Dan forces his eyes shut, waiting for Phil to push him away or move away himself. But he doesn’t. He tugs Dan closer with his arm around his waist. Dan’s breath hitches. Phil must have heard that, he can’t have missed it. Dan doesn’t dare to move again, doesn’t open his eyes. Phil’s hands are warm where they press against his back even though there’s a shirt between his hand and his skin. For a moment, Dan thinks this might be it, this might be the night something happens. He might tell Phil how he feels. He opens his mouth to speak, but doesn’t say anything. He waits and waits. They both fall asleep.

-

He’s editing a video the next evening when Phil comes into his room.  
“Hey,” Phil says softly.   
“Hi, I’m just editing my new video, what’s up?” Dan asks, not looking up.  
“Some fans have spread a rumour you have a coloured tattoo,” Phil says. His voice is playful but Dan can hear he’s serious. Panic rushes through him. He can’t let Phil notice.  
“I mean, if that helps their theories?” he says with a forced laugh. Phil smiles too, but he doesn’t leave.   
“They have these pictures, though I’m sure they’re photoshopped,” Phil says.  
“Yeah,” Dan says. His heart is hammering in his chest.   


“So was that all you wanted to tell me because I really need to get back to this,” Dan says, pointing to the screen.  
“Do you have one, Dan?” Dan feels like he’s going to die. He needs to get out of here right now. He needs Phil to get out of here right now.  
“You know I don’t. I’ve told you. You should take my word for it like I did with you,” he says harshly. Phil’s face falters but he tries to keep his smile.  
“Alright, forget I said anything then,” Phil says and he makes his way to the door. Dan had hoped for him to leave. He wanted him to go away and stop asking him about it. But instead of being relieved he speaks up. He had thought about thousand ways of confessing his love to Phil. His fantasies were a lot more romantic, with beautiful sentences and at least a nice romantic setting. But sitting behind his computer he suddenly blurts out:  
“It’s a fucking plant.”

 Phil stops walking. He looks at him with confused, curious eyes.  
“What?” Dan can still stop. He can still make up some excuse but he doesn’t. All the build up tension from the past years suddenly bursts and he can’t stand it anymore. He stumbles from his chair.   
“It’s stupid and green and it’s on my hip,” he continues. Phil’s eyes drift to his hips. Dan’s face burns but he needs to tell Phil. He needs to tell him and then leave forever.   
“Your stupid houseplants,” he says, voice breaking a little bit at the end. Phil seems to understand now. He opens his mouth and closes it again. Dan stands there and Phil isn’t saying anything. That says enough, he thinks.

“I need to leave,” Dan says. He walks to the door. He’s going out, maybe he can sleep somewhere else tonight. Or forever. He should probably live somewhere else. He should have done that earlier.  
“Dan,” Phil tries. Dan pushes past him and opens the door. He doesn’t get that far before Phil pulls him back against him. He doesn’t realise what’s happening before there are lips on his, hand on his hip and a door against his back.

He gasps before grabbing Phil’s neck, pulling him closer desperately. He has spent a lot of time thinking about what it would be like to kiss Phil. He doesn’t think anything could ever have prepared himself for this. Phil presses him against the door more firmly, fisting Dan’s hair in his hand as he continues kissing him.   
“Phil,” Dan gasps. Phil kisses his neck, making him groan quietly, digging his nails into the back of Phil’s neck. Phil presses his thumb against Dan’s hipbone. Dan pushes hips forward in response. Phil moves his hands under Dan’s shirt, moving them up and pressing his fingertip against Dan’s nipple making him sigh. He pulls his shirt off.  
“Phil,” Dan says again. Phil just kisses him. They make their way to the sofa bed. Phil’s on top of him, laying between his thighs. They’re making out so desperately Dan can barely breath.

He wants to stop this, because he knows he’s in love with Phil but is pretty sure Phil isn’t in love with him. They shouldn’t do this. They should talk first. Instead he takes off Phil’s shirt. He’s been in love with this boy for a while now, who can expect anything else from him?  
His hands run over Phil’s back as Phil continues kissing his mouth, neck and collarbones.   
“Why are you kissing me?” Dan gets out. Phil stops what he’s doing and sits up. Dan feels his tattoo screaming at himself. Phil’s eyes seem to drift to his hip and his eyes widen.   
“Can I see?” Phil asks, as if Dan didn’t just ask a question. But he nods. Phil undoes his buttons. Dan’s very aware of the situation in his pants, wondering if Phil is too. Phil pushes his pants down slightly, looking at the green horrible tattoo on his hip. He smiles widely, lighting up his whole face.

He sits back and starts unbuttoning his own jeans. He pulls down the side of his boxers just slightly for Dan to see a tiny purple planet.  
“We match,” Phil says with a smile. Dan feels like he might actually cry. He might actually start sobbing here while Phil’s in front of him with only few clothes on.  
“I could cry right now,” Dan confesses. Phil laughs and kisses him again. The kiss is filled with smiles and Dan guesses that if he could cry it would be filled with tears too.  
“I’m in love with you,” Dan says against his lips.  
“I’m so in love with you,” he keeps murmuring. Phil sits up again, this time pulling Dan with him.  
“Let’s go to a bed,” he says.

They end up in Phil’s bed. Dan can’t say he hasn’t also thought about having sex with Phil before. This is nothing like his imagination, but better in every aspect.  
“Are you okay?” Phil asks 5th time when he’s inside of him. Dan lets out a laugh.  
“I promise I’m fine, you’re not crushing me, just move.” Phil bites his lip but complies. Phil’s as close as he can be but Dan still has his arms around him keeping him closer. He moans softly as Phil thrusts inside him. He’s slow and gentle. He keeps touching Dan’s hair and face with soft gentle hands while moving inside him.  
“Fuck, Phil,” Dan swears. Phil kisses his cheek.   
“I love your tattoo,” he says. Dan laughs.  
“I love you,” he replies. Phil kisses him. Dan moans into his mouth and he squeezes Phil’s back harder.  
“Oh my god,” he moans. Phil groans too, moving his hips faster.

“I love you,” Phil says. Dan opens his mouth to reply but the only thing that comes out are moans. He closes his eyes as he gets closer. He wants the moment to never end before he remembers that Phil has a tattoo. This is real, Phil loves him. That thought has him making an awfully loud noise. Phil smiles. Dan raises his eyebrow.  
“You didn’t expect me to be quiet in bed, did you?” he gasps out. Phil giggles, kisses his jaw.  
“I hoped you weren’t,” Phil whispers. The thought that Phil thought about it and hoped he would be loud is what makes him come. He squeezes his eyes shut and moans into Phil’s neck. Phil’s thrusts falter and he curses. It doesn’t take him long to come after that. Phil’s face is beautiful when he comes and he takes a picture in his mind.

When Phil rolls off him with a sigh, Dan rolls on his side. He smiles fondly and reaches out to trail his finger over Phil’s tattoo.“We match,” Dan says. Phil’s eyes crinkle from the smile he has on his face.  
“Yeah,” Phil says. He reaches out to peck Dan on the lips.  
“We do.”

Maybe is a tattoo guy after all.

**Author's Note:**

> A lovely human on tumblr asked when I would post another phanfic so I wrote one. I am TRASH for soulmate thingies so yeaahhh.
> 
> Find me @ softandpersistent.tumblr.com


End file.
